Sry I called you an 8
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
