insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
