my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
