if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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