I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
