Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
