People in love make me want to vomit
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the gays at disneyland are vicious
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
