Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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