He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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