dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
