Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
