and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
