Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize