My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
