I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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