I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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