dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
