Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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