uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
