And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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