My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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