Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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