we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
