I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
