Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
