On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
