Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
