after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
