he thought i was a dude.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
