My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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