How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
