sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
