hotel room ftw
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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