Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Randomize
