What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
