sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We don't watch enough power rangers
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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