I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
