Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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