No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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