you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
