like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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