I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
