yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
