I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
