there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
