Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
