Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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