It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
