if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
