My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
