i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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